update

 I wonder if I’ve come out the other side of all this. In May, I resigned as Lead SLP for my district and stayed on as an SLP. I was surprised by how I’ve grieved it. But I knew I had to. Honsetly I felt I was expected to do more than I had time for. And that was messing with my mental health. My youngest son is autistic with adhd. It’s been hard. I have two other sons and a husband… being on lockdown shown me that their childhood was going by quicker than I liked and being Lead took my attention from cherishing those fleeting moments. Everyone looked at me like I had two heads when I made the announcement. But I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and I knew I needed a change. “you’re a ticking time bomb” I was told. I worked in the hospitals before I went to the schools… I knew what the nurse meant. My doctor said my decision about my job would save my life. 

I think I grieve because so much about our field is sad and frustrating. Along with grieving my son’s medical needs… 

but I have to stop myself because I went into this field because there was so much hope too… These last few weeks I’ve been reminded of that hope… a student who would be categorized as difficult picked this flower and presented it to me with a smile and eye contact. Another student graduated from therapy. My son is surrounded by an amazing group of educators and therapists at school who work their butts off. 

I’m still trying to undo some bad habits I picked up during my time as Lead… but those are falling away slowly, one at a time. I hope I find new inspiration to do the things that bring me joy- like singing, painting and writing… So I’m giving myself grace to heal while noticing all the good things along the way… 

I hope you are taking care of yourself, dear SLP… the world needs you… so you need to take care of yourself.